RIP MCpl. Charles Matiru

 I tried to write something but I just can’t put it together about him. If I could share anything it would just be the lesson we have learned here…. “PTSD is a painful, ugly weight burdening far more souls than we know. As soldiers we pride ourselves on being hard. We are hard because we must prevail over those who attack attack us. Our enemies must succumb to our ferocity and will. We must react so forcefully and violently that they instantly regret firing the first round in anger. Their second round must be in fear, and their third round in retreat. For this to happen we need to know that every man has their head in the game and will not hesitate during combat to do what is necessary to survive. To do what is necessary to keep our friends alive. A split second hesitation often means the difference between life and death. The slightest hint of doubt that a fellow soldier can react in this matter is perceived by those active in combat operations as weakness. There is no room for doubt or hesitation when in combat. This immense pressure is what I believe keeps soldiers who think they may be suffering with PTSD from reaching out. The worst thing a soldier can do in the theatre of operations is let his friends down. The sheer amount of preparation in the field and bonding time spent with your comrades makes the thought of showing weakness insurmountable. We would rather die than show weakness. Instead, some of those that need help bear the weight on their own. Recently, I lost a very close friend who could no longer bear the burden PTSD tortured him with over seven years. During this time he continued to deploy on combat operations and hid his pain from his friends by limiting and cutting off contact with them. He would not show weakness to us. If I could speak with him again I would tell him that we were here for him to help. That I would rather have him ask for help than die. That his life was worth more than the pride of being hard. That he was a terrific soldier and has never let me, or any of us down. That he could recover. That I still trust him at my six. If you have served in combat operations you likely know of someone with PTSD. You also likely know someone who has not asked for help, but needs it. Today get a hold of that friend and help them out. Make it easier for them to deal with the burden of PTSD; shoulder some of the weight; tell them what you need to tell them. Don’t leave your friend to be crushed by the burden of PTSD. Sincerely, Cpl. Jason Engelland (retired) 1 PPCLI A Coy Red Devils